Eulogy for Dad O’Donnell

“If my parting has left a void, then fill it with remembered joy.  A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, oh yes, these things I too will miss.”

Today I will speak about a man who we all could learn a lesson about life from.  This man was known to some of you, as Percy, Don, Sandy, OD, Uncle Donny, Papa, or Dad.  To me I knew him as Dad but called him Papa.  He was more than just my father in-law, he was my other Dad, and today I wish to share with you how this amazing man shared his passion for life.

Papa was a person who was never alone; he always had people around him.  His smile and charisma could light up a room.  He had attraction power, not just from his good looks but from the way in which he treated others.  I believe he understood life more than we will ever know.  He knew how to relieve any form of stress by simply laughing.  He was happy no matter what there was to do. He was always with a smile, trying so hard to make everyone happy, regardless of what kind of day they were having.  His intentions were always on the good side, careful to always say the right thing.  Unlimited and unconditional love he gave.  He lived life one day at a time, even when having difficulties to overcome. 

Papa was the second of ten children, growing up with that many siblings you learn to share and be patient.  He got along with all his siblings and that in its self is amazing.  He grew up in McNamee, New Brunswick, as a child he was the quiet one.  In his younger years he spent a lot of time in the lumber camps.  They would head up the gang way which was a road to the back field and that is where they would do the wood work, Papa hated working back there and as soon as there would be a drop of rain he was the first to head back home.

Outside work was a part of daily living, they had cattle, and pigs and they needed to be tended too.  The house was heated with wood so the boys always needed to contend to the wood pile to make sure they had enough to heat the home during the cold winter nights.  There was no indoor plumbing back in those days and they had to go down to the brook which was quite a ways especially when you had to carry water by pails.  No matter how many times they went down to the brook the pail was never full.  In the winter they would gather snow and but in the pail and place on the big boiler.  Come bath day you would need to get there fast if you wanted your turn.

Growing up in a house that full you never stayed in the house for long, unless the weather was real bad.  There was always something outside that needed to be done.  For fun in the winter they made what they called coasters out of wood to go sliding down the hill.   In the spring the swallows always had nests just around the barn, being curious and having a love for birds; Percy decided that he would climb up and take a look at them.  Well didn’t he fall from the ladder and landed right into a pile of manure.  He was quite a mess but his big brother McKenzie and some other boys helped him out.  Another funny story that was just recently shared with us will just give you a little bit of insight as to what life was like growing up in a house full of family having many animals.  Back then you wouldn’t leave your alcohol in the house instead it was hidden in an oat box where the animals feed was left.  One day the rooster decided to eat some of the oats and when Granny O’Donnell found this rooster she thought it was dead.  Seeing how the rooster was now no good to them dead she started plucking its feathers.  To the families surprise the rooster was not dead at all it was just a little drunk, I guess the liquor had spelled on the oats. 

When Papa was a young teen he became very ill, so his big brother McKenzie went to take him to the doctor to see what was wrong.  The doctor said to go home and go to bed, and he would see him in the morning, back then doctors made house calls.  Now getting the car was rare, and these two brothers decided that they should make the most of it, and rather than go home they decided to go looking for girls.  This is truly a story of a man who was going to live life rather than let life pass him by.  The next day when the doctor showed up, he was diagnosed with Polio.  So imagine how sick he must have been and yet he still had the drive to live life.  Back in those days it was very uncommon for someone to survive Polio, but he did, and I believe because of his passion to live. 

Shortly after his run with polio he needed to get his tonsils taken out.  He nearly bled to death from this procedure but from some miracle he survived that too.  At age 17 he lied about his age to get into the army, and to this day no one in his family knows how he passed the medical, after having such a time with the polio, tonsils and the loss of weight.  But he did it, which just proves when he was determined he could do anything.

Later in life he fought prostate cancer.  He would travel 5 days a week for seven weeks to Toronto for treatment.  According to dad, the worse part about the cancer was driving back and forth for treatments every day.  He was treatment free for approximately 11 years.  It came back and this time he was living in Barrie and could go for treatment here.   

Just after World War II he was transferred to base Borden and that is when he met the love of his life, Blanche.  Within a year they had married and they lived a modest life.  Blanche’s brother Cliff and his love Orion were the best man and maid of honor at their wedding.  There are many stories that these two couples shared.  In the early years they both had a cottage in Wasaga Beach and Cliff and Don would get into trouble many a time.  There was one story in particular that we still don’t know what really happened but there was this boat that Cliff and Don had at the cottage and they would spend countless hours out in this boat, possibly having a few beers.  Well one day the boat met a sad end and caught fire, we are not exactly sure how that happened but we think maybe that the wives had enough of the boys out on the lake and may have had something to do with the fire.   The cottage was and still is a place that great memories are made.  It has changed throughout the years but the cottage is still a place where we gather as a family and share fond memories and reflect on the time spent there with family and friends.

Even though Papa hated working in the lumber yards, surprisingly he loved to work with wood.    He created many great and a few not so great wood creations, from flower boxes, to clocks, tables, and even cabinets for the cottage.  The best thing he built was the cottage, where we will continue to see his work proudly displayed.

Children of all ages were drawn to Papa, but the little ones especially clung to him like lint.  There was just something about him that made children feel safe in his arms.  Even with the Alzheimer’s he had a special way with the little ones.  This past Thanksgiving we brought Papa out from the home to celebrate with the family at my cousin’s house.   Teyha who is my cousins little one decided to stand up on the foot stool, the next thing we knew Papa spoke and said “be careful you don’t fall.”  To some of you this may not seem like anything too spectacular but for someone whose speech for the last year was mostly jumbled, to hear him speak that clearly and appropriately was nothing short of amazing.  Alzheimer’s may have taken his ability to communicate with us verbally but something deep down inside still allowed him to communicate clearly with young ones.

 In September of 1966 Don was ecstatic to become a father.  As I mentioned he was very ford of children and now he had one of his very own.  Brian and Don were always close.  One of Brian’s first memories is of his father reading to him in bed at around the age of three.  Don would lie on the bed beside Brian every night and read a bed time story to him.  As a child he would play with Brian and when they moved to the house in Mississauga Don and Brian spent countless hours with projects in the basement.  He was always kind and so very patient.  Through the teenage years Brian and Don remained close and Brian said that he cannot recall them ever having a falling out.  Don and Brian’s bond remained strong over the years and as Brian became an adult they became the best of friends.  They would always make time to speak on the phone daily and get together for a beer whenever they could.  If Don had something to say to Brian and he thought that it may be uncomfortable he was always able to put it into a story where the message would be clear but feelings were never hurt.  Over time as the relationship changed and Brian became the caregiver, it became apparent how close they really were.  Brian cared for Don like a father would care for his own child.  

Papa entered my life 28 years ago and always made me feel like I was part of the family.  He was a believer and even though we may not have had many times together just sitting and talking one on one, I knew he believed in me.  I remember one time when I was toilet training Michael because I had another baby on the way and I was determined that I would not have two in diapers at the same time; everyone thought I was crazy, but not Papa.  He said, “If anyone could do it, it will be Cindy,” Turns out he was right, Michael was toilet trained before Mark was born.  If I had to narrow down Papa in one sentence I would say he was the most patient man I have ever met in my life.  He never judged, and he always listened.  He was a true example of why we have two ears and one mouth.  

If you look up the definition of Grandpa, Papa’s face would be beside it. He LOVED and I mean LOVED his grandchildren, they were the apple of his eye.  Every moment he had with them he showed his unconditional love for them.  When they were small he would take them into his wood shop and build things with them.  He was always making stuff for them and collecting special coins for them.  He wasn’t the type of man to be in the other room visiting with the adults, instead he would get right down on the floor and play with them, always engaging and always listening to their every word.   I remember even just a few years ago on father’s day, the kids were playing in the pool, next thing we knew Papa had stripped down to his underwear and was ready to join in the fun.  We quickly got him a pair of swimming trunks but even with the disease he just wanted to be with them, playing and having fun.   Later when the disease took away his ability to remember their names, his love for them still shined through, with a hug, a kiss, a laugh or just the touch of the hand was all they needed.  Because he had shared and passed on his passion for life, this helped Mike, Mark and Katie to care for their Papa.

Ten years ago Papa was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the time we didn’t know much about this disease except that it sometimes happens when you get old.  In order to help my in-laws with this diagnosis I began learning about the disease, and attended support meetings.  The best thing you can do if a loved does get diagnosed with this horrible disease is to learn as much as you possibly can.  The one thing that frustrated me with the disease is the ignorance the public has of it.  The simplest way I can explain this disease to someone is like finding out your child has been born with a special need.  We may have lost who we remember as our friend, husband, father, uncle or Papa, but he is still a person who needs companionship and wants to live life.  It was easy to care for him because of his good disposition, he never once said, “oh poor me”, instead he fought this disease to the bitter end.

When he required more care and had to go into Victoria Village, we weren’t too sure how he would adjust to this change.  In the first few years of his stay we were told that he was one of the most active residents in the home.  He was always helping out, be it by opening a door, pushing a wheelchair, delivering newspapers or just sharing his laugh.  Again, the disease was not going to stop him from living life to the best of his ability.  He had friends on every floor, especially the ladies.  Oh yes, Papa even in the later stages of the disease was a ladies’ man.  Who could resist those blue eyes and that smile of his?  As the disease got worse his visits outside of the home were less frequent, which meant that our visits with him would take place mostly at the home.   Whenever we would go and visit him at the home he was always surrounded by friends, so we got to know many of the residents quite well.  We enjoyed their company just as much as they enjoyed ours and moving forward we plan to continue with those friendships Papa made since he shared with us the importance of companionship.  Even the staff in his last days with us would come and visit with him; at one point his room was full of staff members from every floor.  We knew he had many friends but did not realize how many lives he had touched.

Over the past few days as I was putting together the memory book and picture displays, I had a chance to stop and reminisce of days gone by.  One thing I have learned from dad is the importance of family.  The bond we shared and still share will never be broken, I believe that the soul lives on and we will forever be surrounded with his presence.   Just like when we lost Mom what we will miss the most are the traditions that we had, especially Christmas mornings, and Sunday dinners.  We will truly miss him but we don’t need to look far to see him, just look into my children’s eyes, and their smile’s and you will see him.  He will remain in our hearts forever and will never leave us.