In memory of a remarkable woman I called Mom

Eulogy for Mom O’Donnell

“The obstacles in life, we endure. For a time may leave you feeling sad. How can you know how good feels, if you’ve never felt the bad.”

Today I will speak about a woman who some of you, knew as Blanche, Deed, Aunt Deed, Nana, or Mom. To me I knew her as Mom. To the eyes of the world I was her daughter in law, but our relationship was more than that. We had a bond that only others would hope for, we were friends, we were confidants, and we were Mother and daughter. As her daughter I wish to share with you today the memory of one of the most amazing women I knew.

Mom’s last name may have been O’Donnell but make no mistake she was born a Perfect Pearson. And for the Pearson’s in the room you know exactly what that means. Mom grew up in the depression and was a big sister to her siblings. Being a big sister is a huge responsibility, I know since I too am one. She was caring, loving and a teacher to her siblings. She was also strongly opinionated and would let you know her views. Like most people who grew up during the depression, you learned the importance of a dollar. Coming from nothing or little means makes you work hard for what you want in life.

At the age of 20 Mom met the love of her life, and shortly thereafter they married. The early years were spent living on modest means and they saved Dads army paycheques to buy their first radio. Mom loved to tell stories of how they started with nothing, used orange crates for kitchen chairs and kept perishable items in an icebox.

In 1957 Mom and Dad bought a piece of property and built a cottage in Wasaga Beach where they spent most of their summers. She loved her cottage and the fond memories that were enjoyed there with her family and friends; playing cards, socializing and attending bingo on Friday nights.

In 1966 Mom had her first and only child. Her love for Brian was like no other, she adored her son and in her eyes he could and would do no wrong. Just as much as a son depends on a parent, she too depended on Brian. Mom was a proud Mom and a good Mom and she and Brian shared a bond that was started during his childhood but will last for an eternity. Brian says that the bond shared between a Mom and a son is strong, but even stronger when that son is an only child.

Mom entered my life 27 years ago and I remember that day like it was yesterday. Mom and Dad were sitting in the TV room watching the wheel of fortune, Mom was wearing her apron and I remember thinking to myself "Wow they’re old".   As I got to know Mom she was anything but “old”, she may have been old fashion in her thinking but she was young at heart.   We spent a lot of time in that room watching the wheel, jeopardy, Roseanne, Archie Bunker, Everyone loves Raymond and of course the Golden Girls. Drinking tea and laughing. Little did I know at the time how much Mom would influence my life and the lives of others.

Mom was prim and proper, she was a true lady. Oil of Olay, cover up, a bit of lipstick, powder and a spray of perfume was all that this pretty woman needed. She always dressed for the occasion, and expected that of us as well. I remember one time in my younger years, I was still in my PJ’s later in the day and Mom said to me “any decent woman would be dressed by now.” I remembered that comment for years to come, and then the day came where I got the opportunity to use it. I entered the house one day and it was mid afternoon and there was Mom still in her house coat. I smiled and looked at her and said “any decent woman would be dressed by now.” She looked at me, laughed and said your right.

Mom had a heart of gold and a mouth without a filter, which is a great combination to have. I remember when I graduated from University she wrote on my card “Didn’t think you would make it, Congratulations!” to some you may have taken what she wrote the wrong way. But coming from Mom it was said with love and she was proud of my accomplishment.  

As Brian and I dated it became evident to Mom that I would be a big part of her son’s life. When Brian told her that he was going to propose she said “are you sure you want to marry her?” Now I don’t know which was worse Mom saying those words or Brian telling me what she said. But I understood what she was feeling, Brian was her son and there is one thing for certain she loved her Brian. He was the apple of her eye and she wanted to make sure he would be taken care of. I think too she was a little nervous that Brian may not have the time for her once he married, for we all know as children grow older they can drift away from us. But that never happened; Mom was a very important part of our life. She may not have lived in our home but she lived in our lives.

Mom was the glue that kept everyone together. Family and friends were very important to her. She needed to be around people, whether that was by attending family functions, playing cards, square dancing, playing bingo or sharing a glass of wine or a cup of tea with a good friend. If she couldn’t be around you she was on the phone with you, or sending you a note or card. I swear she had radar, we would just be getting in from one of the kids events and the phone would ring, and sure enough it was Mom. Just making sure we were home and wanting to know what’s new, or wanting us to come over since she seemed to misplace something, usually a pill. Funny, as annoying as those calls sometimes were, I will miss them.

Mom liked order and structure. Meals were at certain times, and if you were late you would hear about it. I remember one time in particular, we were at the cottage and Brian and I had taken the kids to the beach for the day. Not having a watch with us, time just flew by, and the kids were not complaining of being hungry they were having a fun time playing in the sand and water. Next thing we know here comes Papa walking towards us, Mom had sent him out to find us, dinner was ready and on the table. In the hospital I knew Mom wasn’t well, for on one day as we were about to leave to go and get dinner ready she said “oh, I can’t believe everything here is so structured”, I couldn’t believe my ears and laughed and said “structure! Mom I can’t believe you just said that you are the Queen of structure and taught us well.”

Mom loved food, and she always wanted you to eat. Mom always made sure you had your daily intake of fruit and vegetables and cookies. I learned quickly that if Mom asked me if I wanted anything like an apple or a sweet, just say yes, because even if I said no she was giving it to me anyway. She did this not just with me but with everyone.

Mom was the Queen of returns, I have never met anyone in my life that buys something and returns it within a few days. I would spend hours in the store with Mom looking for the perfect outfit, only to learn later that she was heading back to return it. I use to get annoyed by this, but it didn’t stop me from going shopping with Mom, since I love to shop and it was a special time spent with Mom. As Mom aged and she could no longer walk around the stores for long periods of time, Brian and I would shop for her. We would come home with several different outfits, knowing that at least half if not all would be returned.  

When Mom got older her eye site changed, and she was considered legally blind but there were a few times I wondered just how blind she really was, for instance one time when Mom did go shopping with me, we were in the change room trying on tops and Mom turns to me and says “I see you still have a bit of a belly” Now my reaction was at first one of shock since I had just recently lost weight, and then I just had to laugh and say “And this is coming from a blind woman” Again, my point earlier Mom didn’t have a filter; she just said things as she saw them. God love her.

If Mom wanted something done or didn’t like the way something was she would find a way do have it done or drive you crazy until it was done. When she moved into the home on Bishop, she hated the mantel on the fireplace; she would sit there and complain that it was too high and needed to be removed. Brian said it was fine and that it couldn’t be removed, well, let’s just say, this year after years of comments and persistency that mantel was removed.   Even in the hospital she had determination, the night before her passing we asked, “Is there anything you would like us to bring tomorrow?” And she said yes; get me the hell out of here! Well, she got out!

Mom was a very proud Nana. She would brag about her Grandchildren, how Michael had got a job at Honda, bought a new car and was making good money. She depended on Mark to take out her garbage, mow her lawn and she looked forward to those visits with him, and always made sure she had apple juice and cookies for him and would enjoy chatting with him about his day. Katie made her Nana extremely proud when she became valedictorian earlier this year, Mom beamed with pride as she listened to her beautiful granddaughter give her speech. Mom always felt the kids lives were too busy and would often say they needed a break from their various sporting activities. Really what she wanted was just more time with them. She enjoyed spending time with the kids and one of the kid’s favorite memories of their Nana was highly competitive games of Crokinole played at the cottage around the kitchen table. Mike and Mark were always the bad guys and Katie and Nana were the good guys. Nana even invented her own language for those games, famous sayings during that game included, “get a mucker”, “cock-eyed wonder” and just give it a “love tap” Kate. Three weeks before her passing while Brian and I were away and Mike was at work, Nana had Mark & Katie over to the house on Sunday for a roast beef dinner with all of the fixings. While she was critical of the dinner, the kids said that it was delicious!

Mom was a Nana to many, she not only had her own grandchildren but she was a Nana to many of the kid’s friends. Since her passing those friends have expressed their deep sadness and the fact that they would miss her. I guess we never knew how many lives she really touched.

Some of Mom’s fears were sickness and being alone. As far as sickness she had her issues with anxiety, her eye site and arthritis but otherwise she was a healthy 85 year old woman. As friends and family moved, or passed away so grew her fear of loneliness. She lived in her own home pretty much independently, kept her dignity intact and had family and friends around her for most of her days. It was not until two weeks ago that this changed.

Mom drove me crazy sometimes but I think that is mostly because we were so much alike. I use to think Mom and I were very different, but as I aged I realized we had many similarities. Now I don’t claim to be the Suzy home maker like Mom, everyone knows I can’t cook, and I don’t iron. But I did learn to bake, and I did stay home with my children for the majority of their younger years. I too don’t have a filter, and that showed up very early in the relationship one thanksgiving. We were at the cottage and we are all sitting down and I’m looking around the table for the gravy. I asked where is the gravy and Mom said we don’t have any, and my reply was “your joking, you have turkey and no gravy?” Who has turkey and no gravy? Let’s just say, every thanksgiving after that there was gravy. 

Family was the most important thing to her, and just as she counted on us we too counted on her.   What we will miss most are the traditions that were made in those 27 years, especially Christmas morning, and Sunday dinners. I loved her with all my heart and will truly miss her.