Stop Controlling my life

Do you ever feel that raising teenagers is like raising aliens?

Does your teenage child think that your rules are to harsh?  Do they think that now they are teenagers that they have a right and privilege to run their own lives the way they see fit?  Most teenagers feel this way.  Afterall, what do we know we are just old, things have changed since our time.  We have no idea how it is to be a teenager these days.  All their friends parents are more understanding and let their kids do what they want.  Does this sound familar? 

I sometimes sit back and think of my own teenage years, now I was an angel back then so it is very hard for me to relate.  HA! I am amazed that my parents survived those years, and looking back I am glad I had guidelines.  I now know they only did what they thought was best and were protecting me from making poor decisions.  Raising children is hard work, dealing with teenagers in my opinion is even harder, or at least I feel this way at this stage of the game because that is where I am in life.

 

What we have to remember as adults is that the teenager or adolescent does don't have the same judgement as an adult.  Their ability to reason and at times make good choices is clouded.  The reason it is clouded is because they have not yet lived through the experience.  They are still in the experimental phase.  They need parental controls even though they think they don't and even with those controls they will still make bad decisions.  At least with such controls those decisions may not be as bad as they could be.  If we allowed our children to have complete freedom and decision making on all aspects of their life like they want, they would not grow to be secure adults.  Everyone needs to feel security, that is why we have rules and laws to follow.  We may not like them or always agree with them but we do feel a sense of security because they are there.  Controls or limits are a source of unacknowledged security and our teenagers need them.  If we were to give them total freedom then they would bear the burden of worrying if they are making the right decisions, and for most this can cause even more stress and as a teenager they really don't need anymore stress, since most of them cannot handle it well.

So the next time you are feeling that maybe your rules are a little to rigorous, or that you are living with aliens, remember your teenager needs you to be concerned for  them, they need you to protect them, they need to feel that security.  Then when they do leave the nest they have some sense of right and wrong and they know they can always come back to you if need be.